Why am I struggling more with my weight loss in 2012 than I was when I started in 2011?
Why does it all seem too much and too hard now than when I first started?
Why are I constantly thinking about the wrong food choices whereas from September in 2011 I found my food choices a breeze?
Surely it is meant to get easier not harder?
Why have bad habits crept back in at full force?
Why did I break my 200+ days of being coke and chocolate free?
These questions plus many many more have been going around my head all day today, and the disturbing thing is I have NO FREAKING IDEA why I have gone backwards.
What happened from about February to suddenly turn things around so much? Since then everything stopped working properly - my thoughts, my care factor BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Who in their right mind loses just shy of 25kg and then just goes BLAH???
Why am I so good at offering advice to others but I can't take it on board myself?
It would be so much easier if I can figure out why my brain isn't cooperating anymore rather than playing these stupid ridiculous mind games with me. I used to be a great sleeper and would be sound asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, now I find myself tossing and turning thinking about all the crappy things I did or didn't do during the day. Most often than not I cry myself to sleep. Then I come up with a plan to sort it all out but when the next morning comes I am back to square one again.
I've always been known and the 'carefree' and 'funny' girl, and quite frankly I am neither of these atm. Lately I've been wearing my pretend carefree and funny face just because it is easier to push the real faces and feelings out of the public eye.
I just wish I could figure out what's changed?
Firstly Nic - big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteCan I offer you a theory? I think what's changing is YOU. And it's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. The old defences, façades that you put up to cope with life as a "fattie" don't seem to fit any more. You don't need the protection, but you're not quite ready to face the world exposed either.
If I'm on the money Nic - trust it.. Trust you. And trust those around you.
If you're wondering if I'm on crack coz I'm way off the mark - nar, just hella tired and worried about my friend xx
Nic I am feeling this to you have done such an amazing job but I wonder if you are looking at the total number and not how far you have alredy come.
ReplyDeleteSometimes belting it out helps I know talking to Raelene yesterday helped me put some things into perspective. We are here for you 150% of the way you just have to call, text, type or visit.
You are still in there you just have to open up again and come out and you can.
Big hugs my friend you are not alone..
big hugs chickadee xx
ReplyDeleteI have so much I want to say to you but can't find the right words.
It will all fall into place soon enough xx
Hi Nic, great effort on the chocolate and coke. 200 days! That is awesome and 25 kilos is awesome too. I don't know why the head changes - I'm battling a similar problem myself this round - but I hope you can look on your victories with pride and know that you can do this. You have some great supporters/friends (judging from the above comments) so let them help where they can and be kind to yourself. good luck, let us know how you're going.
ReplyDeleteBig thank you <3 <3 <3 <3 to each of one of you! I really don't know how to reply but please know your friendships and thoughts mean the world to me xxxx
ReplyDelete